Time……. How many times a day must a realize that time is the one thing that you cannot buy? Time is the one thing that you do not know how much you have left. Time can be wasted or be used wisely. How do I use my time? What is important to me? Do I respect the people around me enough by not wasting their time for example to be on time when I have an appointment? Always being late and making an ‘entrance’?
I just realized I am wasting my time on unimportant stuff. Driving around like a maniac to get to a sport practice / competition. Driving around like a maniac to get to a meeting. All I am doing is running around like a maniac trying to make sure I am everywhere all the time not missing something. Do I dare not to let my child participate in something then I am one of the worst mothers that have ever walked the earth. Why? God gave your child talents and it is your responsibility to make sure she/he uses it. Blah-blah-blah I see your mouth moving and all I hear is you trying to justify yourself. Well, I have stopped trying to justify and explain myself. I am not going to feel guilty anymore because my child could not be at this camp or that practice. I am starting to put the wellbeing of our family first. I am starting to prioritize! Before I am prioritizing I must first know what is important in my life? What does success really mean to me? Is success that my children are doing very good academically? They are excelling in sport? They are popular? Invited to all the parties? They become school leaders? (Eish… shame that one is coming up this term for Lente….. Is it really that important?) Well I am not going to lie with your firstborn things like this is important. Why? You just want the best for your child, you do not want your child to be sad and feeling left out. But then, you grow up with your child and you realize how little time we really have.
I remembered before Riaan died I was like a maniac. Mienke is your homework done? Why did you only get 75% I know you can do better. If you want to be in the first team you will have to practice. (Ha-ha still guilty here – she loves her netball and wants to play in the Brutal Fruit netball event one day. She knows she has to practice very hard if she wants that.) We (yip we, luckily I came over that one quickly so now it is in singular again) studied hours for tests. Yes, I am aware of the fact that you actually have to study to pass but really is 80% that important? Rather an hour or two of less study and what about some daydreaming on the trampoline watching the clouds and making your own creative story with the monsters in the clouds. That really does not sound like wasting my time? After Riaan died I just realized again that all of the above is only:” `n Gejaag na wind!!!” It leads to nothing. Is my child going to remember that she got 85% academically and a certificate for being under the top ten? Or is she going to remember her creative stories, how she and her brother made a Youtube video with their Lego’s?
So, what are my priorities? My priorities are to make sure that my children are not being kept so busy. They must know what is to be bored. They must not ask me what they can do, they must find something to do for themselves and keep themselves busy. They must think for themselves. That is a very difficult thing to teach a child – thinking for yourself. It does not just magically appear, it needs a lot of hours of boredom, it needs a lot of ours for repeating yourself and not doing stuff for your children. It need lots no, thousands of times: “ Mienke kom maak die laai nou toe! Lente kom sit die lig af! Ruben vat jou bord kombuis! Ryno-Riaan tel jou piesang skil op!” Yes, I know it is very easy just close the drawer you are there. Put off the light you are standing there – really being so small minded? You are busy taking your own plate to the kitchen just take his. Aag, Ryno-Riaan is so small just throw the banana peel in the dustbin! But what we do not realize it is a lot harder work to actually not do it, and check if it has been done or not. It is 2x times the work for example if they did not pack their cupboard neatly – you throw everything out, pack it for them, take a photo, throw it out again, and let them pack it. Yes, believe it or not I am that kind of mother. If you do not do something correct, you will keep on doing it until I like it. I am that kind of mother if you make me coffee and it is not according to my taste I will throw it out, tell you how to make it and you will be making that coffee for me until I like it and it is according to my taste. I will not fall into the trap where you do something wrong on purpose and I get tricked in doing it by myself. Wow!!!!! This sounds like a horrible mother. You can call me what you want – I am doing this for my children. I am also thinking of a few other examples:
- Lente and Ryno-Riaan wanted to ride their bikes. Mmmh, sounds like an easy exercise? Problem 1 – cannot open our back gate the thing is stuck and Dad is not here. Well, Lente went to the Wendy and got the Q20 all by herself without me even mentioning it. Wow!! Good thinking! Problem nr2 the bikes are full of spiders and dirty. Take the bucket and wash it. Problem nr3 the wheels are flat. Get the pump and pump until you are blue in the face. Whoop-whoop it took them more than 30 minutes before they could even start to ride on their bicycles. Ryno-Riaan`s seat broke and then Lente came and ask me: “How long does it take for the glue gun to get hot?” Ha-ha although it was not a good plan it was a plan she thought out by herself.
- I do not know how many times a week I have told the kids that they are not allowed to put pots and pans that have burnt in the dishwasher? Well, this weekend the same issue. On a previous occasion they were told I am going to ban them from the dishwasher if they do not listen. Well, the sentence they love to use:” Ek het bietjie vergeet Mamma.” So, Lente had to wash all the dishes by hand that afternoon and she must pack the dishwasher the whole week. She is starting to pack it correct so I told her she might get a day of parole and stop on Thursday and not Friday. Let’s see how it is going?
- I baked pancakes this weekend. Lente was the nanny for Ryno-Riaan. Mienke played netball but came to help when she was not playing and Ruben was my assistant for the whole day. So, he helped me on a few occasions already and sometimes he is doing so well, and other times he is like in really DUH! This weekend I realized what his problem was….. He needs a ABC-plan, everything must go according to a plan. The pancakes must be here then the sugar on that spot, the serviettes here and blah-blah-blah very organized. I am not very organized and did not really understand how big his problem was for him – just got frustrated because he is being real DUH now. Stop it, and get over yourself!! Well, here at 12h00 I told him, I am subtracting money now if he does not get over himself, and I will be giving that money that I am subtracting to his sister. So, his R100 became R80 and his sister`s R100 became R120. Wow!!!! Magically he got over himself, and started to be un-DUH! So, although I am going to be more attentive to him wanting a ABC-plan, he just threw a temper-tantrum by being DUH.
So, my priorities are with my family, on how I can teach them the importance of life. All the above things sometimes sound so ‘airy fairy’, because I tend forgot how much time it really takes to teach my kids this important stuff. If we are sooooo busy with running around from the one thing to the other – we do not get the time to teach them about the un-important-but-really-very-important-doing-nothing-stuff-to-teach-them-something. You will have to read the last sentence carefully to